Love and Marriage

One day, Plato asked his teacher, "What is love ? How to find it ?"

His teacher replied, "There is a large forest in front of you, walk down the forest without turning back and pick one from the branches that you think the best one. When you find it, you will find the love"

Plato then walk into the forest and then he came back to his teacher in empty handed.

His teacher asked him, "Why did not you bring any branch ?"

Plato replied, "I was allowed to bring only one branch, and there is no turning back. I actually have found one, but I did not know if there is a better branch in front of me, so I did not take that branch. When I walk further, I realized that the branches I found were not as good as the first branch I found earlier, so I did not take any branches."

At the other day, Plato asked another question to his teacher, "What is marriage ? How to find it ?"

His teacher replied, "Walk to that forest again, without turning your back and cut down only one tree you think the best for you. When you find it, you will understand what the meaning of a marriage."

Plato then went to the forest, and soon he walked back home carrying a log that is not so big and not so tall. It was just an ordinary log.

His teacher asked him again, "Why did you bring that log with you ?"

Plato then replied, "Based on my previous experience, after I walk along the forest and came back in empty handed. At this chance, when I saw this tree, I think it was not very bad, so I cut it down and bring it home. That way I did not loose my chance to get it."

His teacher wisely replied, "Congratulation ! That is the true meaning of a marriage."

The more you search for love, love will be more difficult to find. True love is actually already existed inside your heart, when you can control your desire and excessive hope.

When you have an excessive hope and desire for love, what you will find is just another emptyness. You will not get anything, and there is no chance that you could turn back time. Accept a true love as what it is.

A marriage is another step of love. A marriage is a process to earn a chance, when you search for the best among all options available, then your chance will be decreased. When you want a perfection, you will only wasted your time to get a perfect marriage. What trully is, a perfection is only another name of an emptyness.

Hope you could find your true love....

May your days filled with lots of love, now and always....

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How To Be A Better Couple | 10 steps to enjoying each other better...

Everyone in this world definitely want to be the best one for their love one. But to make that happen, is not an easy task to do.
There are several things to be consider. Here are some tips that you can do on your own to be a better couple and to enjoying each other better.


Be realistic about each other.
Don't try to turn your partner into something he or she is not. Let's face it, guys - there's only 1(one) Pamela Anderson in the world, and even she has had her implants removed! Give your gal a break and understand that her physical appearance is NOT going to change overnite with the help of a few facials ! or treatments. And ladies, Brad Pitt has already been taken, so you're gonna have to do with what your guy is like! Chill out, love each other for what you are. There is more to your partner than what meets the eye.

Always talk things out.
Now guys, I know this is not your favorite pastime or mode of resolving issues, but you know what? This works with the gals. Don't make assumptions about each other's feelings. Learn to express yourself better so that your partner understands what you're angry about, or hurt about, or even happy about! When you stop talking to each other from the heart, it's the beginning of the end.

Do stuff together.
Make an effort to do things together. Do some sports or involve yourselves in some shared activities; something both of you enjoy or are interested in. It could be as simple as watching movies together, or jus strolling hand-in-hand down Orchard Road. Watch soccer with him once in a while though the green patch on TV puts you to sleep in 3 seconds. And guys, do give in if your gal asks for another day at window-shopping, rather than suggest that she go out with her girlfriends for "that sort of activities" instead. If you're spending more time with your friends rather than with your partner, it's a warning sign that you're drifting apart!!!

Meet each other halfway.
If he agrees to throw out that rotten T-shirt with the "The Rock" print, you shouldn't kick up much of a fuss if he asks you to keep your room tidy. There's gotta be a little giving and taking in a relationship, so learn to meet each other halfway.

Show ur love.
Buy her flowers or candy or perfume every now and then, even if you have been together for 5 years. It's wonderful to continue showing someone that you care for him or her. Cook him a special meal, paint him a Valentine's Day card. Knit him mini-socks he can't wear ( like for decoration purposes => ), buy him a packet of milk for breakfast, or pack his wardrobe for him...so he knows you can still be romantic and loving despite having been together for quite a while.

Respect each other.

Stop making jokes about her hair or skin, or whatever it is you love to laugh at. Ask yourself if she thinks if it's funny. And if he has an inferiority complex about his height, stop ogling at tall guys and make him feel worse! Love is about respecting each other's feelings and being sensitive to each other at all times.

Bury the past.

Stop bringing up the past. Gals...don't bring up the happy things about you and your ex to your guy, it would just make him jealous or unhappy. And guys, don't talk about the happy times that you had with your ex or mention about her in your every other sentence as it would make your gal feel un-happy and she might think that you saying all this b'coz you are gonna get back with your ex or not interested in her anymore.

Sit on your jealousy.

All of us go thru' spells of insecurity at the beginning of the relationship, but don't translate that insecurity into jealousy. If you're gonna go through your partner's mail and cupboard, and eavesdropping on conversations, you know something is wrong - with You!!! Jealousy is like a poison that slowly spreads thru' the relationship before finally killing it. Trust your partner; love has to have trust in it.

Keep ur commitments to each other.

If your partner is standing you up all the time and cancelling dates and breaking promises, you need to talk ! If you're in a relationship, make your partner your priority and don't disappoint them if you can help it. It's really terrible when someone promises to take you to dinner, and then calls to cancel it. Don't make promises you can't keep. If your partner starts to feel that he/she is not important enough to you, you may just lose him/her.

Be honest.

Honesty is not scowling at how awful she looks first thing in the morning, or telling him that he has the biceps of a fly~! When we say "be honest", we mean expressing your feelings clearly, not being bitingly cruel. When you're hurt, say so, and when you're angry, tell him/her, without getting hysterical. If you can't be honest with your partner, who can you be honest with? Love is also about honesty, and a relationship where no honesty exists probably isn't worth it!

Time will never heal the wounds, but healing takes time

We often hear an expression telling us "let the time heals all wounds", but what is really happening ? Time will always pass, and sometimes it passes so quickly, but in fact time can never heal the wound. Healing process is actually an active process and not a passive process.

For example when we are wounded but we did not do anything to heal that wound, maybe we did not sterilize the wound then give it some medicine and take a good care of it, it will become worse, or even start to decay. When this happen, its going to take more time and efforts to heal the wound , and there is a possibiliti of an infection. But in the end, it will be cured, and definitely will leave a scar.

When our feelings, souls or minds are wounded, it feels like being ripped, very painfully. It felt worse than when our body being wounded. That wound might healed, but who know what lies beneath ? Will we be totally healed, or we just buried our angers, our fears, hate and doubts within ourselves temporarily ?

Actually, healing and medicating are two different concepts. Healing is more like a spiritual thought, while medicating is related to the medical actions. Healing is an active process, it won't be happen by itself. We have to be involved actively within the process of healing. Healing is a gift that we give to ourselves when we decided to stay open to anything that can destroy us.

On the pain management method, which is often practiced to patients who are being injured, all patients were taught not to fight the pain, instead of to be more relax and let the pain exists as the natural effect of wounds. The basic of this method is if we fight the pain, it will become worse. If only we could be more calm, and take some deep breath continuously to make our bodies more relax and let go off the pain, the pain will find its own place and move freely, and finally the pain will vanish by itself faster.

The pain exists to let us know that there is something wrong is happening inside our bodies. It also warn us the possibility of danger. Our best friend used to say sometimes the pain is good for us, it reminds us that we are still alive. It might be true.

It also works for our emotional, our spiritual, our mental and our physical wounds. When the pain talks to us, we should listen to it. What we have to do is actually just paying attentions to that pain, so when it comes, we are ready for any possibilities, we remember how to take a deep breath and be more relax. We don’t want to fight that pain, but we want to learn something from it.

Time will never heals the wounds, but healing takes time. Give yourself a time as a gift, to be more complete. If we could open ourselves for pain, we also could open ourselves for loss. We open our heart widely, and we will have a bigger heart to accept more beautiful opportunities which were offered by life.

We can get what we have lost if we could close our sore minds and our wounded heart. But we can only get what we can lose in the future if we did not give ourselves time to heal the wounds. As Carly Simon used to say, "There are more spaces in a wounded heart."

Scientists discover true love

SCIENTISTS have discovered true love. Brain scans have proved that a small number of couples can respond with as much passion after 20 years as most people exhibit only in the first flush of love.

The findings overturn the conventional view that love and sexual desire peak at the start of a relationship and then decline as the years pass.

A team from Stony Brook University in New York scanned the brains of couples who had been together for 20 years and compared them with those of new lovers. They found that about one in 10 of the mature couples exhibited the same chemical reactions when shown photographs of their loved ones as people commonly do in the early stages of a relationship.

Previous research suggested that the first stages of romantic love, a rollercoaster ride of mood swings and obsessions that psychologists call limerence, start to fade within 15 months. After 10 years the chemical tide has ebbed away.

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• The science behind love

• The complete guide to marriage

The scans of some of the long-term couples, however, revealed that elements of limerence mature, enabling them to enjoy what a new report calls “intensive companionship and sexual liveliness”.

The researchers nicknamed the couples “swans” because they have similar mental “love maps” to animals that mate for life such as swans, voles and grey foxes.

The reactions of the swans to pictures of their beloved were identified on MRI brain scans as a burst of pleasure-producing dopamine more commonly seen in couples who are gripped in the first flush of lust.

“The findings go against the traditional view of romance – that it drops off sharply in the first decade – but we are sure it’s real,” said Arthur Aron, a psychologist at Stony Brook.

Previous research had laid out the “fracture points” in relationships as 12-15 months, three years and the infamous seven-year itch.

Aron said when he first interviewed people claiming they were still in love after an average of 21 years he thought they were fooling themselves: “But this is what the brain scans tell us and people can’t fake that.”

One pair of Aron’s swans are Billy and Michelle Jordon who, 18 years after they met, still make their friends envious. The couple, who live in Newport Beach, California, hold hands all the time. “It comes very naturally,” said Michelle, 59.

Lisa Baber, 40, and her husband David, 46, from Bristol, say they still feel the same frisson as when they got together 17 years ago.

“He was crazy and so exciting, he whisked me off my feet,” said Lisa. “That excitement is very much alive. We make sure our lives are always changing.”

Other couples who have kept their passion include Tony and Cherie Blair and Michael and Shakira Caine. Michael Howard, the former Tory leader, and his wife Sandra have been together for more than 30 years.

Aron said he and his wife Elaine, both 64, have a strong relationship but were a little jealous of the swans. “Their relationships are intense and sexually active, too, without many of the downsides of first love,” he said last week.

Relationship Confessions & Love Secrets

 am in love with two women at the same time. I never intended for any of this to happen but it has and I do not know what to do.

I have been married for 16 years to the first woman I ever loved. We met at work and dated for 2 years then were married. Things were great. Kids, house, the whole 9 yards. 6 years ago a woman appears in my life who I did not know before. There was instant connection. Phone calls that were professional but had a playful undertone. Always seeked each other out at company meetings (she lives in another state) for companionship. Just a hug or two and that was it. The other woman is an incredibly strong and independant woman, much like my wife. They are very similar except one is an indoor girl, the other is an outdoor girl. They could be really good friends.

Last year we both admitted we were interested in each other. We were off and swimming deep end of the Facebook chat. Within 2 days I knew I was in over my head. My love for her grew stronger by the minute and I could not get her out of my mind. My wife offered herself to me and I declined because I wasnt interested.

My wife saw a message and I was in panic mode. I never wanted to hurt my wife but I did, to the core. I told her I would stop and said all the right things at the time. We made up about a week later and “we” were ok.

A phone call or two is all it took and now i am contemplating ending one of the most beautiful things in my life. My wife is also my best friend which makes this even worse.

How can I hurt my first love and my best friend like this. She doesnt know how hard I fell for the other woman. I am not worthy of either of their love because I know this can only end in pain, its just a matter of how many people get hurt on each side.

I am not a religious person but do look for signs. Yesterday after talking to friends I decided i would try to put the genie back in the bottle for the good of my family. The reason for this is on my mp3 player the song “there youll be” by faith hill came on. Right after that, “stay together for the kids” by blink 182 came on.

Today I was looking on FB and what god says to me is “You can tell yourself that you have already decided, that nothing now can stop you, but if that step backwards is so much safer than step forwards, what will hold you true to your path when the going gets tough? Sometimes, the right thing to do is to take that first irreversible step, the one after which you cannot go back. And now, for you, is one of those times.” I know its silly to look at a message and make life altering decisions but it seems like a sign that goes along with my dream last night where I left everything here and moved to her.

I have no idea what I am going to do now. There is so much hurt i am feeling that it seems the simple way out would be to just drive into a pole.
 

Love Lyrics

Love, is a universal word known otherwise as romance or that special relationship worth remembering and cherishing until you die. Next to happiness everyone search for their soul mates, which can bring that divine intimacy and happiness insurmountable and unparallel in life.

Love songs are one of the most famous forms of expressing love to one another from time and again. It's the right song which usually sets the right mood or the ambience for a romantic evening or during a candle lit dinner with your beloved. The song lyrics convey to your love what your heart wants to, but your mouth just cannot.

Although many love songs or romantic musicals are available some singers or some songs always are the favorites for lovers. As for me I always remember Lionel Ritchie's song hello, is it me you're looking for'. Somehow I can relate my personal experiences with this one song that has remained my favorite until now and forever it shall remain.

The lyrics of this song convey the deep longing for the lover and the agony of the long wait to at least listen to his voice is very beautifully portrayed in this song. The passion with which the singer sings the song has brought tears into my eyes many a times. Just see the depth of the songs lyrics in these lines below,

I've been alone with you inside my mind,

And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times,

I sometimes see you pass outside my door, HELLO,

Is it me you're looking for?

I had felt the same passion and emotion in Bryan Adam's love songs. Especially the song named have you really loved women', I feel that every man should listen to this song if he loves someone or generally to know what a women expects in a man when she loves someone.

When you love a woman

You tell her that she's the one

She needs somebody

To tell her that it's gonna last forever

So tell me have you ever really

Really really ever loved a woman'

I remember passing this lyrics and the song in particular to my soul mate just to make sure he understands. Love songs really can explain wonderfully and musically too what you wish to tell your lover. Naturally we don't have the poetic lyric or the fantastically coined words.

Who can forget the most enchanting and heart breaking love story of the movie titanic. It is a classic movie of our times worth seeing and feeling the pain and agony which goes with the magical association called LOVE. The heart throbbing song sung by Celine Dion my heart will go on, is still going through the hearts of so many lovers.

Love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime,

and never let go till we're gone.

Love was when I loved you, one true time I hold to

in my life we'll always go on.

Near, far, wherever you are,

I believe that the heart does go on

Nobody can express true love the way this songs attempt to. What a wonderful song and how beautifully the words are coined to soothe the hearts and souls of the romantic lovers world wide.

Whatever position you might hold in love, whether searching, found or broke up you name it and the love songs have it just in time to suit your love needs. Love songs can drive the lovers crazy and get them madly in love with one another. They serve as cupid for many who come together as lovers through these love songs. Many still further remember even after breakups their past memoirs when they listen to these songs.

Somehow lovers deeply in love with one another don't think about the fact that these songs are written and sung by artists for wide audience. They somehow associate these songs as uniquely written for their own personal need. These songs speak the love language during silent times and spin the love web firmly during times of fire. Like Bryan Adams rightly said, Please believe it every word I say is true Please forgive me I can't stop loving you.

Can we overcome memories of our first love?

W.H. Auden mentioned, A false enchantment can all too easily last a lifetime. First love could happen at any age. Rosemary Rogers said, First romance, first love, is something so special to all of us, both emotionally and physically, that it touches our lives and enriches them forever. On the other hand, George Bernard Shaw held that first love is a little foolish and a lot of curiosity. Memories of first love are always delicious. Very few experiences in our lives are as intense and overwhelming as our first love.

First love in teenage is much more fierce than the first love in adulthood. However, the teenage love usually evaporates very fast. A survey result reveals that first love relationships last only for 3 or 4 months for persons at the age of 15. Psychologists identify the 3 phases of first love as lust, attraction, and attachment. The close intimacy developed during the period of first love must necessarily involve openness, trust and a sharing attitude. This would lead to maturity and help the relationship last longer.

Normally first love is not the childhood infatuation on a teacher or a movie star. It is the first relationship or attraction of a romantic nature experienced in adolescence. Memories of first love are mostly fond ones but in certain cases, the memories could be highly painful also. Those who had experienced feelings of happiness, enthusiasm, excitement, and pride in their first love are much more likely to have stable, enduring relationships in their later lives. On the other hand, those who went through feelings of shame, guilt, hostility or fright during their first love tend to have weak relationships with others.

Even though it is true that we could fall in love any number of times in our life, the memories of first love would always remain fresh and occupy a special place in our hearts. A Turkish proverb says that young love is from the earth, and late love is from heaven. When we are young, we have high energy levels and our hormones are on overdrive. This could lead to an exhilarating feeling but there are dangers if emotions are not properly controlled at this stage. The obvious dangers are premature pregnancy, HIV, drug addiction, etc. Still, one danger that most people never consider is a wrong relationship. Unless you are clear as to what you expect from your first love, you might end up only with a sad experience.

In the initial stages of first love, we tend to ignore our own needs and desires and give priority to the wants of the other person. However, as time passes by, this becomes more and more difficult to practice and resentment or anger sets in. This leads invariably to parting of ways. Hence, it is important to analyze all the positive and negative aspects of the other person and evaluate them deeply before deciding whether you are really in love with that person.

Psychologists hold that love at first sight is quite possible. However, first sight love purely depends on our mental status at that particular moment. It might take only 30 seconds to decide whether the other person is really worth falling in love with. Psychologists say that men fall in love first more than women do. When we fall in love, we unconsciously wish to complete our personality and therefore, we look for qualities in the other person that we feel we lack. To a certain extent, men look for the qualities of their mothers in women they like to fall in love with. Same way, women also seek qualities of their fathers in men they wish to love.

We have to remember that we are emotionally virgins until we fall for the first time in love. Hence, the first love tends to have a much greater effect on our lives, whether we admit it or not. It is very difficult to be prepared for first love because it is a sudden experience. The emotional experiences that go with first love are very strong. We have to learn to understand them, sort them out and control them. Feelings of passion, elation, sincerity, anxiety, fear all come in a mixed fashion. If the first love ends on a happy note, then it poses no further problems. On the other hand, if the first love fails for any reason, the legacy that it leaves behind could be painful. We have to learn our lessons from that to have much healthier relationships in our later part of life.

For many people, first love is their work. For such persons, the emotional attachment to their profession is very strong. They usually tend to ignore other human relationships or take them in a lighter vein. Most of them remain single in their life, devoting themselves totally to their work, which is their passion.